A letter to my Mother - part two

You send me out the door every morning with these words "Jesus help you" I cringe at it and realize that you only mean well, but under my breathe I say "God helps only" and I pray that you will be led to the right path, the only path! I can see that slowly you are slipping away from me as you delve more into the world you have chosen for yourself, or rather you think you have chosen. I can see that you are not the same person I grew up with, no, you are stronger in some ways yet in others ways you have strayed off of a path and gone onto another one. I pray to God that I am able to make you see the beauty of of His words, the beauty of worshiping only God, the wonderful perfection of not having to go through others to receive absolution! If you could only see that and not what others are teaching you. If only I could teach you and not let me fears, anger control me. If only I had the right words to tell you "God is One"

A letter to my Mother - part one

I sit and start writing, I am writing to you because somehow I cannot get these words out to you in person. I sit here and try to think what happened that I cannot talk to you, cannot tell you my wonderful news, or tell you anything about my new life? All I know is that if I do not tell you these things, I will somehow lose a part of myself. You raised me, loved me and cared for me for so many years. You raised me with your beliefs, thoughts and words. You raised me to be kind to others, show compassion and be generous. You would say to me: Be thankful to God that you have been given life and always remember God in your life. You raised me well and I cannot forget that, but now it seems that you have forgotten about me, or maybe you think I have forgotten about you. You only see what I do and wear, not the daughter that you raised. You think I have rejected your teachings and in essence rejected you. You only see hate and lies. I want to tell you that you are being lied to and taught hatred. Instead of listening to me, you listen to strangers - people who do not care about you, but I do. You say to me: why do you bow down to a false god, how could you reject all I taught you, you are rejecting me. I get so hurt by your words, yet you do not know how much it hurts. You are blinded by lies. I try and tell you: I bow down to God, the same God you worship, the one and only God, the same God you taught me to worship. You say: Don't blaspheme, it is not the same God, don't ever say that. Your words cut me. I say: God is great, God is great, He is the only one to worship, he is the One God. Praise be to Him who created the heavens and the earth and everything else!

A long path ...

I start my travels as any other traveller.
I pack my belongings, taking a few personal items
that I cannot bear to be without and step out into
the unknown.

I turn left then right then head straight.
I take the path that is less travelled.
I run through a maze of trees only to find more trees.
I walk through the cities, on the dirty streets.

On these streets I see humanity in all of its glory.
I see the poor, the homeless, the rich and successful.
They all walk the same road, a few, but only
a few truly know why they are lucky enough to
walk the true path. Does that man in a business suit
know? or does that woman pushing a shopping cart
down an empty alley know? Do any of us know?

I continue on my travels... holding my belongings
close to me I walk down a path filled with insecurity
and indescision... 'what should I do?' This questions
keeps plaguing my lately.
Indeed what should we do?
Do I continue on the path I am currently on? Or
should I suddenly turn right and start on a whole
new path? What should I do?

I am about to turn on this path, not knowing exactly
where it will lead to.
I walk with my head up and my eyes open wide
not to miss a single moment of any scene that
comes before me.
As I walk past the man in the business suit I see
he hands the woman with the shopping cart
a few dollars and gives her his coffee.
I smile and realize that we are all on a path of our
own.
I hold my belongings and I look into the eyes of
another on the same path as he says...
"Where shall we go today?"

Prayers I

I seek forgiveness from the One True God
I seek forgiveness for my sins, for my
thoughts, sayings and actions.

I ask for patience
I ask for courage
I ask for mercy
I ask for strength

I pray for my family & friends
I pray for the believing people of the world
I pray for the sick and weak
I pray for the children
I pray for the elderly
I pray for all people past and present

I seek forgievness from the One True God

The soul of the earth

There inside the ground beats the heart of our world
hot molten core pulses endlessly
it pushes through its veins the waters from the ocean
it heaves with tremors that rent its surface
exposing a new landscape, hills become mountains,
valley’s become gorges and so the earth changes
but its heart beats

Time is meaningless to this earth, its changes take
place in hundreds of thousands of years what is a
few hundred years to wait for the creation of a new
landscape? Its shape designed and created now made
possible and so the earth changes but its heart beats.

Its heart beats, veins run with water, its limbs are
the trees, its skin made from rock and sand,
its eyes and ears the animals who populate its surface.
All parts know their function all work together in
harmony to sustain and increaseits vastness
and so the earth changes but its heart beats.

The earth existed in unity with all, like a great machine
its parts working flawlessly with each other.
But the world was not a machine for it had a heart
and with a heart came a spirit, a soul.

A soul: the central or integral part; the vital core.

But where is the soul of the earth?

It is in all of us.
We are the ones who give meaning to this earth.
In all we do we honour this world by giving it
a reason to continue to evolve.

Written : 9/9/04

One final reach

A seed is planted, it is watered and has the rays of the sun to live and grow.

We are created.

We are born.

We are given food and drink but we are given something much more precious, we are given
faith, we are given knowledge of God.
Our parents must 'cultivate' this knowledge just as a tree.
Our faith grows strong with each passing year. The roots of the tree, our 'soul', our faith gets
stronger, strengthened by Allah and cared for by our parents.
We live day by day, in the hopes that our ‘roots’ will strengthen, our knowledge will grow, our
faith will be strong. There comes a day when the tree is shaken, its roots shaken from their once
secure home what will hold it in place?
What will keep our faith from being shaken?
The only answer is faith. Faith in Allah, that we will be put back into our 'secure' ground, that our
roots will be strengthened once more by our good deeds and intentions.
Can you imagine a life long struggle and how 'deep' your roots will be if you proceed with good
intentions, praising and keeping Allah's name in your heart and on your lips.
This 'tree' will grow strong, reaching its branches high and wide, just as your faith will reach high.
Reaching towards your creator in the hopes that you will one day reach far enough to reach
Allah. Now, your branches are high, strong and old, your roots firmly planted, you are in
unshakable ground. Your faith has granted you a long life and as you grow 'old' you reach one
final time towards the heavens, towards your creator, your final intention is to reach the
hereafter. You see the sky open, and your branches reach high and are made strong from faith
and love. You reach the garden, the garden of the hereafter, where your roots and branches will
live forever with the Grace and Mercy of Allah.

Forever

Forever…
I sit and look at you
I look and wonder
I see and I am blind

Show me what you see
Show me what you know
Show me your soul
Show me your heart

See what I am
What I can be and will be
See with your eyes
See with your soul
That which we both already know

I see you as you were
I see you as you are
I see you as you will be

I want to see you with me
I want to see you
I need to see you
I wish to be with you

All of time is not enough
Eternity is just a twinkle in the life of a star
Forever is…

All of this I will give to you
All you need do is but ask
And I shall give you this and more

Forever…

Written - June 10 1999

My life…

My life…
Standing on the edge
Waiting for the next thing to happen
Wondering what to do
See and hear
Do and learn
Live to exist
Exist to survive
Just to be…

Is it enough to just exist
Or is there something more to it all
I sit and ask these questions of myself in the
Dark and quiet of my soul
I search for the answers
Solutions in the depths of confusion
Chaos in clarity
Delusion in the face of certainty

I stare at the waters of contentment
Wading within its shores never touching
Only teasing me with its clarity
Its temptation
Its vision
Its reality
Its complete honesty
Its life

My life
My temptations
My visions
My reality
My honesty
My life…

Written - August 1 1999

The language of not knowing

The language of not knowing
I sit in a coffee shop and the words around me are foreign.
There are two girls sitting at a small table chatting away, moving their hands and giggling, I know that they must be gossiping. I watch them, their eyes open wide but smiling, their hands gesticulating wildly trying to convey with movements as well as words. I sit and watch all these silent conversataions.
I look over to another side of the coffee shop, there I see a family, two children a boy and a girl sitting with their parents, looking happy. They are eating ice cream, stuffing the oversized spoons into their chubby faces, nothing could be greater than this they think, while their parents drink their coffee and gaze at their happy family. I sit and watch them.
At the back of the shop there are two lovers. I look to them, the girl is talking quickly, her face is livid, she is flailing her hands in the air. The man just looks at her, his face flushed with disbelief. I see his eyes and notice they are watery, tears and regret in them shine. The girl just keeps talking, quickly, without making any sense at all. She stands up and leaves. I am left looking at the man, he mouths a word to me, I don’t know his word for it but I know he means ‘love’.
I come to this coffee shop in the middle of town, I abuse myself with the fact that all of the faces and language are foreign to me but still I sit here and watch them and listen. I have gotten good at knowing people’s expressions. Do you know not one person’s laugh is the same! There is the high pitched laugh of a school girl with her friends. The low chuckle of a man meeting his date for the first time. The howl of a young man watching his favourite sports team winning thereby winning him his bet.
I watch all these things in this small coffee shop in the middle of town. I listen to words that are foreign to me but realized that the emotion behind the words are the same. I realize that I am not so lonely now.
I have yet to understand their words when they speak to me and yes I see that they think I am slow or even stupid for not knowing their words. But I also see the reality of life in these conversations. They do not know who I am, to them, I am just another foreigner in their land. They do not care if I watch them relentlessly to understand just one word.
I relish the fact that they think I am witless and can say anything to me and have them think I do not understand when all along I understand it all, their expressions, their eyes, their hands all betray their meaning. They are the ones who really do not understand.
So, I sit in the coffee shop in the middle of town and drink my coffee and nod my head to the passers by, the laughing girls, the small happy family and even the lonely man, for they have all seen me and I have seen them. And they understand.
We all know the language of not knowing…